Friday, April 29, 2011

Book Review -- Infertility:Help, Hope and Healing

I have started reading a new book on infertility. It's called Infertility: Help, Hope and Healing by Kerstin Daynes.  I have to say that this book is amazing! It is the first book I have found for members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I really love this book!! I can't say enough about it.  I started reading it and had to start and stop because I would find myself crying.  This book captures a lot of the feelings we have been struggling and dealing with on our infertility journey.  Its also shares personal stories about others who have been in the same situation. If you are LDS and dealing with infertility then this is the book for you. 

Infertility Myth: Man or Woman enough / Something is wrong with you

We we’re visiting my husband’s family for a weekend.  My husband and I had been married for a little over two years at this point.   When his brother ask him “What’s wrong with us? Why can’t we get our wives pregnant?”  I remember this statement making me very angry and upset.  I knew that his brother and his wife hadn’t been trying all that long.  We had been trying for more than a year at that point with no success.  I felt that it was very rude to ask such a personal question and to imply that it was my husband’s fault that we didn’t have any children.  Later, when this same brother announced that his wife was pregnant. It only reinforced the fact that something must be “wrong” with my husband and us as a couple if we couldn’t get pregnant. 
This story has bothered me for more than a year or so.  Why is it assumed that something has to be “wrong” with you since you can’t get pregnant? Why is it that people assume that my husband isn't man enough to get me pregnant?  I think this myth is one that is continually perpetuated.  Just because you don’t have children yet, it doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with you or you're not "man" or "woman" enough.  It means that maybe our journey is a little bit different than most.   We may have medical issues or no apparent issues as at all.  Our infertility journey might include: trying medical treatments; maybe adoption is the answer for us; maybe a surrogate; or maybe a childless lifestyle.  No matter what choice we make we know that nothing is wrong with us or that we aren’t man or woman enough.
We are the same people we always were before our infertility diagnosis.  Though that’s not quit true either, maybe we are a little bit smarted (from research and reading), tougher (from dealing with harsh criticism, insensitive, and unkind comments), empathetic (we know how it feels to struggle, to have heartbreak and how pick ourselves back up) and patient (because we have had to wait and hope).  So, to those of you who say or think there is something “wrong” with us or that we aren’t “man” or “woman” enough.  To you I say, “You don’t really know us at all.  There is nothing wrong with us. We are man and woman enough to deal with our challenges, but could you if the roles were reversed?”

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Ovulation test strip fun

We have started tracking my ovulation using test strips.  It was recommended that we start with this method.  It’s a little step that we can take on our journey.  I guess it’s a necessary evil but I will admit I dislike it. I feel like my world is run by one or two tiny lines. 

Friday, April 22, 2011

Theme Music

Do you every feel like if your life comes with a soundtrack?  Or maybe you feel like you are in a musical?  The nice thing about movies and plays is that you can tell how the character is feeling or the situation the character is in by the music. I feel that way sometimes like there is music playing except I am the only one who can hear it.  For instance today’s soundtrack would be Fuel’s “Bad Day”. 
"Bad Day"

Had a bad day again
She said I would not understand
She left a note and said "I'm sorry, I had a bad day again.
She spilled her coffee, broke her shoelace.
Smeared the lipstick on her face.
Slammed the door and said "I'm sorry, I had a bad day again."

And she swears there's nothing wrong
I hear her playing that same old song
She puts me off and puts me on

And had a bad day again
She said I would not understand
She left a note that said, "I'm sorry, I had a bad day again."
I am hopefully that the song for today will change into something more happy and upbeat.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Overturned truck floods Interstate 10 with strawberries

Overturned truck floods Interstate 10 with strawberries

We had a story (see above link) here on the news about a truck overturning and spill strawberries all over a major freeway.  I found the story very amusing for some reason.  I guess it was an accident story in which no one was hurt and something out of the ordinary.  As I was sharing this story with my brother he mentioned how it was too bad that a whip cream truck and funnel cake truck weren’t involved in the accident.  That way with how hot it is here the funnel cake dough would cook on the road way and with the strawberries already there all you would need is to add the whip cream.  What a brilliant idea!!
  It made me think about how often in life we have accidents that end up with “strawberries” on our roads.  We sometimes tend to think about how we lost the strawberries, about what a mess to clean up, or how traffic will be backed up for miles.  When sometimes all we need to do is think of ways to make a negative a positive.  We can think about how to get the whip cream truck and the funnel cake truck to the site.  We can choose to make the best or the worst out of any situation.  So why not look for the good? That way in the end we are enjoying strawberries, funnel and whip cream.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Projects (The Master Bedroom)

I have started a new project.  I love projects! My latest project is the Master Bedroom.  I want to change the style of our bedroom.  I want it to have a Country Whimsy look.  I have been searching and searching pictures and sites for just the style I want.  (Here are a few examples of the Style I want.) I am getting closer and closer to my vision but I still haven’t found anything that matches what’s in my head.  I guess I am just going to have to keep at it.  Updates and actual pictures will follow in a later post.  

What to Expect?

I just finished reading “What to expect before you’re expecting” by Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel.  I really enjoyed this book.  It’s a great reference guide to preparing for a family.  I love the fun little extras and the sense of humor the author brings to the topic. 

Monday, April 18, 2011

Is every one pregnant?

Is everyone Pregnant or is it just me who isn’t? 
·                 I have 3 sisters in laws who are pregnant right now.
·                 My husband has several cousins who are pregnant.  
·                 I have several co-workers whose wives are pregnant.
·                 I had a co-worker who is pregnant. 
·                 I have several friends calling to tell me they are pregnant
·                 Other friends sending me baby shower notices.
·                 Don’t even get me started on the pregnant ladies in my ward.

I swear I am stuck in this twisted twilight zone world of everyone pregnant but me.  Notice to all pregnant people: It’s like poring salt in an open wound when you call, write, e-mail or post your pregnancy news.  (Especially when it is accompanied with an --OOPS we didn’t mean to get preggers, --Our birth control didn’t work, --We just barely started trying or --my personal favorite of we timed it perfectly because we can do that.)

I think my really bad is talking here. 

Baby or Dog?

 Bichon Frise


Morkies (Cross Breed between Maltese and Yorkshire Terrier)

Yorkshire Terrier

Baby or Dog?
Sometime during our 1st or 2nd year of marriage I mentioned that I wanted a dog.  My husband thought he could be tricky and offer me a deal.  The deal was a dog or baby.  As you might imagine I went with the baby option.  A year or two later after that ultimatum and still no baby in sight, I am back on the whole dog thing. 
I grew up with several different dogs mostly we had indoor dogs.  My husband grew up with a strict no pets in the house policy.  (He has several siblings with bad asthma and allergies.)  So now I am working on my campaign to sway him to my side.  I figure I can wear him down or try to make him think it’s his brilliant plan to get me a puppy.

Our Story/Our Journey

Our Story
I really dislike telling our story.  I don’t feel like it really has an end which is true since this is the journey of life and we are at the start of the infertility journey.  It’s also such a delicate and heartbreaking situation for us.  Our emotions are so raw and it’s difficult to share something so emotional to us.  I know that in having read others stories I have been strengthened.  So I am going to share ours.  We are still only at the beginning of this journey.
                My Husband and I have been married for 3 years this April.  We were married later in life by LDS standards. (Which in this case we are older than the standard 19 and 22 year old bride and groom scenario) We were both 27 when we met and 28 when we got married.  After a year of marriage we decided we would start our family.  We assumed that this would be any easy process.  We thought that if we just stopped using birth control that we would soon have a family.  Two years later and we still have no children in our home.
After the first year of trying I remember going into see my doctor. I wasn’t too worried about not having any children yet.  I just figured that I was stressed with working 40+ hours a week and I had recently and unexpectedly lost my Grandmother. (Our second year of marriage was horrible.  I swear it was all bad news that year.  I didn’t think I could handle another piece of bad news. Unlucky for me the doctor dropped another bad news bomb in my life.  Apparently, I forgot to send her the memo about no bad news.)  I can’t think of anything worse to hear at a doctor’s appointment.  After a year of trying and no baby that we would be considered infertile.  I remember I cried so hard in that doctor’s office.  My doctor decided to have a follow up appointment to run a few test.  So 2weeks later I was back in the doctor’s office.  My tests were fine and there didn’t appear to be any problems.  We had a little bit of good news with that appointment.
                Now we come to today.  The Doctor has recommended that we have my husband checked out.  As you might imagine he is super excited (lots of sarcasm thrown in here.  To my husband this is worse than saying he needs to go to the dentist ).  Then to make matters worse insurance doesn’t cover any of the testing.  What is the point of having and paying insurance when it doesn’t cover testing?  So we are now in the researching and deciding stage.  I’m sure I will post more on this in the future. 

Thursday, April 7, 2011

National Infertility Awareness Week® April 24-30


An Ensign article just for us?

We are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  As a couple dealing with infertility we found joy and solace in the March 2011 Ensign Article "Faith and Infertility".  This article expressed many of our feelings and struggles but it also brought great hope.  It was like this article was written just for us. If you have not read this article then I recommend that you do.

Infertility Journey

We are on a Journey, our little family of two.  The journey is infertility. While at times the road of infertility is hard and heartbreaking. Our goal is to seek and see the happiness in this journey. We want to share our journey and hopefully help others to see and look for the joy in their journey too. We share the same feelings of uncertainty, sadness and pain. We are working to make our negative feelings a positive. We are hoping that through our blossoming that you might blossom too.