“Guess what? We’re expecting aren’t you just so excited for us”. I just hate it when I get a Text message, Christmas card, Facebook Post, Blog post, Instagram, etc. with this news. It’s like having your heart ripped out of your chest torn into little pieces and then shoved back inside me. It makes me feel like a horrible person. I’m not happy for you. It’s true, I’m not happy for you. As a matter of fact I am the opposite. I’m angry, mad, upset, bitter, unhappy and any other negative word that fits here. When I get your happy news I try to hold myself together while secretly finding the quickest and easiest way to get away. I wonder why I’m being tortured in such a way. Isn’t there a better way to tell us the news then these forms of social media? Plus, don’t you think you’re asking a little much of me to be happy for you? If that makes me a bad person then so be it. I will accept that perception.
This news is the hardest especially when it someone who is very ill prepared to be a parent. I think we all know someone in that situation. I just think life isn’t fair. Which is true Life isn’t fair. Since life isn’t fair that means it’s okay for me not to be happy for you and the news that you are expecting. Everyone doesn’t have to be happy for you. I’m allowed to feel the way I feel.
Since this news has happened to me way more times then I care to mention lately I haven’t really been a little ray of sunshine. I have been annoyed. This week I really struggled with baby news. I just feel so helpless. So to solve some of these feelings I have done a few things. I have used these simple things to help me change my negative thoughts:
Pray – Prayer has been my greatest support. When you are struggling with these feelings there is always someone you can turn to. I turn to Jesus Christ and Hevenly Father.
Scripture Study - Did you know that there are lots of women in the scriptures who have felt these same feelings? I have discovered that Sarah, Rachel, Rebecca, Hannah and Sarai have all been on this infertility journey.
My Husband – I’m very blessed to have a man that supports and loves me through this experience. He hurts with me, talks with me and is there when I need to cry.
Family – I have a great supportive family. I have family members that love, support and are there for us no matter what. We look to and feel blessed to have these family members.
Gratitude – Yep, I have counted my blessing instead of my miseries. I realized that regardless of our lack of children we are so blessed.