Infertility Myth: Man or Woman enough / Something is wrong with you

We we’re visiting my husband’s family for a weekend.  My husband and I had been married for a little over two years at this point.   When his brother ask him “What’s wrong with us? Why can’t we get our wives pregnant?”  I remember this statement making me very angry and upset.  I knew that his brother and his wife hadn’t been trying all that long.  We had been trying for more than a year at that point with no success.  I felt that it was very rude to ask such a personal question and to imply that it was my husband’s fault that we didn’t have any children.  Later, when this same brother announced that his wife was pregnant. It only reinforced the fact that something must be “wrong” with my husband and us as a couple if we couldn’t get pregnant. 

This story has bothered me for more than a year or so.  Why is it assumed that something has to be “wrong” with you since you can’t get pregnant? Why is it that people assume that my husband isn't man enough to get me pregnant?  I think this myth is one that is continually perpetuated.  Just because you don’t have children yet, it doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with you or you're not "man" or "woman" enough.  It means that maybe our journey is a little bit different than most.   We may have medical issues or no apparent issues as at all.  Our infertility journey might include: trying medical treatments; maybe adoption is the answer for us; maybe a surrogate; or maybe a childless lifestyle.  No matter what choice we make we know that nothing is wrong with us or that we aren’t man or woman enough.

We are the same people we always were before our infertility diagnosis.  Though that’s not quit true either, maybe we are a little bit smarted (from research and reading), tougher (from dealing with harsh criticism, insensitive, and unkind comments), empathetic (we know how it feels to struggle, to have heartbreak and how pick ourselves back up) and patient (because we have had to wait and hope).  So, to those of you who say or think there is something “wrong” with us or that we aren’t “man” or “woman” enough.  To you I say, “You don’t really know us at all.  There is nothing wrong with us. We are man and woman enough to deal with our challenges, but could you if the roles were reversed?”

  
http://www.resolve.org/infertility-overview/what-is-infertility/

http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/home-page.html

http://www.resolve.org/