"Baby News Ugh!"

“Guess what?  We’re expecting aren’t you just so excited for us”.  I just hate it when I get a Text message, Christmas card, Facebook Post, Blog post, Instagram, etc. with this news.  It’s like having your heart ripped out of your chest torn into little pieces and then shoved back inside me.  It makes me feel like a horrible person. I’m not happy for you.  It’s true, I’m not happy for you.  As a matter of fact I am the opposite.  I’m angry, mad, upset, bitter, unhappy and any other negative word that fits here.  When I get your happy news I try to hold myself together while secretly finding the quickest and easiest way to get away.  I wonder why I’m being tortured in such a way.  Isn’t there a better way to tell us the news then these forms of social media?  Plus, don’t you think you’re asking a little much of me to be happy for you?  If that makes me a bad person then so be it.  I will accept that perception. 

This news is the hardest especially when it someone who is very ill prepared to be a parent. I think we all know someone in that situation.  I just think life isn’t fair.  Which is true Life isn’t fair.  Since life isn’t fair that means it’s okay for me not to be happy for you and the news that you are expecting.  Everyone doesn’t have to be happy for you.  I’m allowed to feel the way I feel.  

Since this news has happened to me way more times then I care to mention lately I haven’t really been a little ray of sunshine.  I have been annoyed. This week I really struggled with baby news.  I just feel so helpless. So to solve some of these feelings I have done a few things. I have used these simple things to help me change my negative thoughts:

Pray – Prayer has been my greatest support.  When you are struggling with these feelings there is always someone you can turn to.  I turn to Jesus Christ and Hevenly Father.

 

Scripture Study -  Did you know that there are lots of women in the scriptures who have felt these same feelings?  I have discovered that Sarah, Rachel, Rebecca, Hannah and Sarai have all been on this infertility journey. 

 

My Husband – I’m very blessed to have a man that supports and loves me through this experience.  He hurts with me, talks with me and is there when I need to cry.

 

Family – I have a great supportive family.  I have family members that love, support and are there for us no matter what.  We look to and feel blessed to have these family members.

 

Gratitude – Yep, I have counted my blessing instead of my miseries.  I realized that regardless of our lack of children we are so blessed. 

 

Lucky for me there was a quote and website really helped me along with the tips above. 

 

These simple steps helped me put everything in perspective.  The situation didn’t change but I changed. I worked on me.  I can’t change the people around me but I can change myself.  I can also create a fire break.  I can put distance between the things and people who trigger these negative feelings.   I may still hate getting this news but at least now I can work through my feelings. 

BBT

I remember thinking to myself “What the heck is bbt?” Is this a new TV channel or one of those three letter Government Agencies? Well, bbt is Basal Body Temperature. Let me tell you I wish I could go back to my blissful unaware state.  Why bbt? Your bbt is used to chart signs or ovulation and pregnancy.  I guess it can also be used in natural family planning.  Personally I hate it.  Here is why:  Who wants to wake up and stick a thermometer in (insert favorite place to take your temperature here).  Then there are all these guidelines and factors for bbt.  For example: you need at least 6 hours of sleep or when you wake up you can’t talk, pee or move.  You have to take your temperature right away.  Then you have to track the results on a chart or app.  Keep in mind that your bbt is also influenced by many factors such as:

Illness

Stress

Shift Work

Interrupted Sleep or Oversleeping

Drinking Alcohol

Travel and Time Zone differences

Gynecologic disorders

Medication

                It’s way more involved than I thought it would be. Personally I think it’s just a way to help you feel like you’re in control or there is something you can do to help yourself in the infertility journey.  When in truth you really aren’t in control.  If we were in control we would already have kids by now.  Sometimes I just wish this whole process was so much easier.  I really envy women who I swear their husbands just look at them and their pregnant.  There is none of this charting, ovulation sticks and scheduled love lives.  So what are your thoughts on bbt?  Any success or is it even helpful?

It's a Guy Thing

 

http://www.amazon.com/How-Make-Love-Plastic-Cup/dp/B004Y6MVYE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1347981374&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+make+love+to+a+plastic+cup

We finally found a book on infertility that my husband was interested in reading.  The book is “How to make love to a plastic cup.”  I think it was the title that both intrigued him and made him laugh that made him interested. We found the book at a used book store a snatched it up figuring if it wasn’t that good at least we were only out a little bit.  My husband loves that for once it’s a book from the guy’s point of view.  The book addresses issues that guys face when dealing with infertility.  It also looks at it from a humorous, if not sometimes blunt point of view.  My husband did mention that the author plays to typical male stereotypes.   He said that while most guys don’t fall into the category it was nice to have someone approach this subject with humor and using layman terms.  That way it’s easier for guys to digest the topic. The book is also written from a non-religious view so it doesn’t have a Christ centered approach.  My husband felt that was the only thing the book really lacked for him.  He would have loved if the book was more religious based.  If you get the chance to check out this book or have a guy that wants to know a bit for about this subject then here is a book for him. 

Trying

My Favorite Blogs

I decided to make a list of a few of my favorite blogs. These blogs cheer me and inspire me. I love that there are some many wonderful blogs out there. Here is a list of some of my favorite blogs:

http://www.ablogaboutlove.com

http://www.therhouse.com

http://becomingbetty.blogspot.com

http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com

http://misswhit-tany.blogspot.com

http://womeninthescriptures.blogspot.com

Mother's Day

Mother’s Day

                My sweet husband has always made an effort to make Mother’s Day special for me.  Mother’s Day can be a hard day for anyone dealing with Infertility.  It’s a whole day dedicated to what you’re not and what you want so desperately to be – A Mother.  Mother’s Day has become so special because my husband makes it Potential Mother’s Day or Wife’s Day.  I love that he always puts me first on Mother’s Day.  It’s my special day even though we don’t have children.

This year my husband bought me the most amazing Mother’s Day gift and card.  It was such a sweet gift.  I really didn’t expect it and that’s what made it even more special.   The gift was a necklace that said “Perfect Brightness of Hope”.  It was a gentle reminder to always have hope. 

I’m so grateful to have such a wonderful support system.  I’m also thankful that while Mother’s Day is hard for me.  My husband it trying to replace what could be a hard day with amazing and happy memories.  I know that when I look back on my past Mother’s Days it will be filled with happy and loving memories.

PS - If you are intrested where my husband bought my amazing necklace it was at: http://www.etsy.com/shop/therhouse

Melancholy Monday

 Charpentier, Constance Marie - Melancholy - 1801

It’s a melancholy Monday.  I know, I know ……….I said I would try to be more positive on my blog but I had a bad weekend and It’s trying to extend into my week.  The weekend started out okay but by Saturday afternoon it had turned dark. 

I had a terrible migraine.  The kind of migraine that feels like an ice pick is being jabbed into your skull. The kind of migraine that just makes everything seem 100 times worse than it really is.  Lately, my migraines have left me alone but I got upset and triggered a vicious monster of a headache.   I didn’t it know it was there hiding waiting for me to have a upset moment.  I think the monster was trying to rally back today but thanks to ibuprofen I kept it at bay.

On top of that it has been very stressful with trying to find a new place to live.  I’m a military brat and should be used to moving but I hate it.  Actually the older I get the more I hate moving.  It looks like we will be moving in June.  Just in time for a hot Arizona summer move.  (We always seem to move in the summertime.  I think I need to work on that and have a better attack plan)

Then of course there is the fact that it’s Spring and everyone is having babies, posting baby pictures, inviting me to baby showers or announcing their little bundles of joy.

So you see, Melancholy Monday works for me today. 

I have a bad case of the antibloggies

It has been almost a month since I have blogged.  I guess I have a bad case of the antibloggies. 

I could be suffering from writers block? Maybe? I guess.   

It might just be the fact that I haven’t had anything to blog about lately. 

I guess the best answer would be that I am in a funk.  I just posted a video so maybe that can be my inspiration to jump out of my funk and get back to business of blogging.  

These Times

"These Times" by safetysuit has been a great song for me lately.  The first time I heard this song it spoke to me.  I love songs that capture some of the hard moments in life and then remind us that we can get through them.  This song does exactly that.  I really love it!

"Whys?"

What do you say when a little kid asks you “Why don’t you have any kids?” I get asked this question a lot from little kids.  I guess it because I am in primary and I have tons of little nieces and nephews.  I know that they don’t ask this question to hurt me or to upset me.  They just want to know.  There ages always vary but it always the same question of “Why?”.  I have been thinking a lot about these questions lately.  I am getting better at answering the Whys for the little ones.  I have resorted to saying “Heavenly Father hasn’t sent me any yet.” Or “They are having too much fun in heaven with our (Insert name of loved ones that have recently returned home to Heaven).” I will admit to getting them to pray on our behalf and ask Heavenly Father to send us a baby.  (Hey, you can’t blame a girl for asking/trying.  There is something to be said for the prayer of a child).  I guess I just sometimes wish there was someone to answer my whys.  I just have to remind myself that sometimes life comes with questions that have no answers and that is okay.